


Shards of Obsidian

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: RWBY
Genre: Crack, Drabble Collection, F/M, Family, Fluff, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 04:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9419621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: Just a catch-all collection for my fluff and humor drabbles featuring this pairing. (If you're looking for angst, plot, or smut, you will not find those here.)





	1. No One In-Universe Ships It, Either (pt. I)

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter in this collection is unrelated to the rest, unless otherwise noted.

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"Hey, Qrow!" Taiyang called out from the other room.

"What?" Qrow yelled back, not wanting to move from where he was currently sunk into the couch cushions.

After a brief pause, Tai appeared in the doorway. Apparently he didn't want to have this conversation shouting across the house, despite that being the way he'd started it.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

Qrow had no idea what he'd expected his brother-in-law to ask, but that particular question definitely wasn't something he'd thought was coming.

"... whatever," he answered. Weren't they too old to do the whole birthday gift exchange thing anymore, anyway?

"So..." Taiyang said, smirking. "Would you prefer a bottle of fifty-lien whiskey and a two-lien hooker, or two-lien whiskey and a fifty-lien hooker?"

"Come on, Tai, you know me. Why not just make it twenty-six bottles of the cheap stuff?"

They both laughed, and Qrow thought that would be the end of the conversation.

"But what about the hooker?" Taiyang asked.

"Don't need one," Qrow replied. Surely Tai would be able to tell that he was not amused by this joke and let the subject drop. Surely.

"Aren't you lonely?" the blond asked.

Qrow just started at the other man for a few long moments as his mind struggled to come to terms with the fact that he was _seriously_ asking him that.

"I'm seeing someone," he answered finally.

"What? No, you're not," Taiyang said, nonplussed.

"Yeah, I am," Qrow replied archly. "I'm the one who would know, being myself and all."

"Really? Who?"

"Glynda."

Tai blinked. Once. Twice. Then he burst into laughter. Several minutes passed before he was able to compose himself enough to speak.

"Oh, man! Qrow! You really had me going there for a minute... I actually thought you'd managed to get yourself a girlfriend, but... Come on. Seriously. You're going to have to come up with a better lie than that."

~oOo~


	2. No One In-Universe Ships It, Either (pt II)

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"Hey, kids," Qrow said.

"Hi, Uncle Qrow!" Ruby yelled, dashing over to hug him.

"Hey, old man," Yang responded much less enthusiastically than her sister.

"I've got a question for you guys."

"What is it?" Ruby asked apprehensively.

"How would you two feel if you found out that I was dating one of your teachers?"

Looking mildly horrified, Yang said, "It's not Professor Port, is it?"

"No, it's not."

"Is it Dr. Oobleck?" Ruby asked, adding in an undertone, "He's cute. I like him."

"Uh... also no," Qrow said. "But it is _someone_ who wears glasses."

The sisters glanced at each other, then turned back to their uncle and both said at same time, "Is it Professor Ozpin?"

* * *

"So... I kind of told my family about us," Qrow admitted.

"How did they take it?" Glynda asked.

"Well, they didn't believe me. At all. Tai laughed so hard, I'm surprised he didn't break a rib. And I'm, like-" He paused and did some quick mental calculations. "-seventy-six percent certain that he was not joking about hiring a hooker as my birthday present, because he thinks I'm lonely."

"Hmm..."

"I thought Ruby and Yang would be more open-minded."

"Your expression tells me they weren't."

"Well, they were... but in a different way."

"What do you mean by that?"

"They have somehow come to the conclusion that I am _super gay_ for Ozpin, and anything I said to the contrary only convinced them even more that they were right."

~oOo~


	3. Lazy Glynda Is Lazy

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"Glynda, wake up!" Qrow said, shaking her shoulder. _Finally, a response_ , he thought as she stirred. He'd been starting to wonder if she really slept that deeply or if she was just very good at ignoring anything that attempted to rouse her. "Your scroll has been ringing for, like, twenty minutes."

"That means I still have forty minutes before my class starts... which means I can sleep for another half hour." Her reply was somewhat muffled by the way her face was pressed against his chest.

"Can you at least turn the alarm off if you're going back to sleep?" Qrow whined.

Not wanting to leave the warmth of her lover's embrace, Glynda activated her semblance and used it to silence the device.

"Wait, how are you going to get ready and get to your classroom in less than ten minutes?"

"You'll see," she replied.

Qrow sighed.

 _Well, it's not like I have anything more important to be doing right now than being a human pillow, anyway_...

Thirty-five minutes later, Qrow extracted himself from the bed and began to gather up his scattered clothing. Once dressed, he was standing there trying to remember where the hell his flask and his scythe had ended up. He glanced around the room and spotted his weapon in the far corner, propped up against the dresser. As he strode over to retrieve it, he took out his scroll to check the time.

"Hey, shouldn't you get-" he started to say, but cut himself off when he looked over and saw that Glynda was already up.

And not only was she out of bed, but she was fully dressed and her hair and makeup were done flawlessly as well. As he stood there staring like a dumbass, she picked up his flask from the nightstand and made her way over to where he was standing.

Finally finding his voice again, he managed to get out, "How did you...?"

"How do you _think_?" she asked archly, as she tucked the flask into his hip pocket.

"Oh... right. Telekinesis."

~oOo~


	4. Sproing!

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

She's got that one lock of hair that's not captured in the bun with the rest of it, which hangs in a springy curl beside her face. He idly wonders what would happen if he pulled on it. Would it spring back into shape, or would it get straightened out? And on that note, did she style it that way on purpose or had she gotten a bad haircut and that one section of hair was just not long enough to be tied up with the rest of it? Furthermore, would she smack him for messing up her hair if he _did_ decide to reach over and test the springiness of that curl?

~oOo~


	5. Smile!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that each chapter exists in its own bubble (unless otherwise noted). This one is a soulmate AU, wherein Qrow and Glynda are not particularly happy to be stuck with each other.

~ Shards of Oblivion ~

"Smile and pretend you like me," Qrow says as he slings his arm around Glynda's shoulders.

"Why?"

"Because the kids still think that soulmates are this magical, beautiful thing and I don't want to be the one to ruin it for them."

"So you're going to let their soulmates be the ones to ruin it for them?"

The offense he takes to this comment is evident in the way his grip on her slackens.

Now satisfied that she's won their verbal duel, Glynda fakes a smile and leans into Qrow's side. At the sight of this, Qrow's nieces falter in their approach.

"She's smiling..." Yang says, nonplussed.

Ruby clutches her sister's arm and whispers, "I'm scared."

~oOo~


	6. No One In-Universe Ships It, Either (pt III)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unlike the previous two parts of this series, this one takes part at a very specific part of canon. (Otherwise the jokes about the pairings would not work.) So, this chapter takes place during the Vytal Festival, after Qrow shows up, but before the volume 3 finale.

~ Shards of Oblivion ~

The Vytal Festival was in full swing, but the students still had to attend classes. This was something that most of them complained about... although as Team JNPR exited this morning's combat class, they were griping about something else entirely.

"Did something seem _off_ about Professor Goodwitch to any of you guys?" Ren asked.

"Yeah..." Jaune said slowly.

"I noticed that, too!" Nora piped up. "But I can't quite put my finger on what it was, exactly, that was different."

"You know how she's always annoyed?" Ren said.

"She's never _not_ annoyed," Jaune agreed.

"She wasn't annoyed today," Pyrrha said.

"... that's weird."

"She didn't seem particularly happy, either, though."

"Yeah, but when your emotional baseline is 'annoyed' then being 'not annoyed' indicates some degree of increase in positive emotions."

"Huh. I wonder what could've happened that made her happy... er."

Then Nora suggested, at an entirely inappropriate volume level, "Maybe she got laid!"

Pyrrha clapped a hand over Nora's mouth and frantically shushed her, blushing fiercely at the thought that someone might have overheard that outburst - or worse, that they'd overheard it in the context of Team JNPR's conversation.

After checking the hallway around them, which appeared to be entirely deserted other than the four of them, Jaune (who was blushing nearly as brightly as Pyrrha) said, "It's OK. I don't think anyone heard us."

"Mmrpsh," said Nora, and Pyrrha finally removed her hand from the other girl's face.

"Sorry."

"Back to Nora's previous point," Ren said. "Who would _dare_?"

"... Ozpin?" Jaune put forth hesitantly.

"I don't think so," Ren replied. "If they were together, then wouldn't we have had similar evidence of it before now?"

"Then... someone who's only in town for the Vytal Festival?" Pyrrha said. It was the logical conclusion, after all. "Maybe General Ironwood. They did dance together at the dance."

"Yeah, but she looked really annoyed then, too. I don't think she likes him - like, _likes_ him, likes him, you know?"

"What about Ruby's uncle? He's cool. Maybe him," Jaune said.

"I... don't think so."

"Yeah, there's no way she'd go for a guy like that."

"Definitely not."

"Weiss's sister, on the other hand..."

"Ooh, you're right! I bet it's Weiss's sister!"

"I could totally see Professor Goodwitch being lesbians with Weiss's sister."

"Do you think Weiss knows?"

"We shouldn't mention anything to Team RWBY about this. We don't want to make things awkward."

~oOo~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The characters in "No One In-Universe Ships It, Either" now officially ship: Qrow/hookers, Oz/Qrow, and Glynda/Winter.


	7. Glynda Is NOT a Morning Person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind that each chapter exists in its own bubble, unless otherwise noted to be related to others. In this one, Qrow and Glynda are in a long-term relationship, and the time it takes place would be sometime shortly before volume 1.

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"Isn't it great having the whole family together?" Ruby said to her dad as she poured herself a bowl of cereal.

It wasn't often that Glynda came to stay with them, because between teaching and hunting missions, she and Qrow rarely had a day off at the same time as each other, much less several days in a row.

Tai chuckled at his daughter's enthusiasm and reached out to ruffle her hair. Ruby grinned up at him for a moment and then turned her attention back to her breakfast, which she began to munch noisily.

Tai put out some kibble for Zwei before joining his daughter at the table. Ruby was on her second bowl of cereal by the time Yang and Qrow wandered into the kitchen.

Like her father and sister, Yang was clearly a morning person. Unlike the two of them, who were still in their pajamas, she had already gotten dressed and done her hair and makeup.

Qrow, who was decidedly _not_ a morning person, was an absolute mess who looked exactly as hungover as he felt.

Ruby had finished a third bowl of cereal and was rolling around on the floor with the dog by the time Glynda dragged herself into the kitchen. She looked even more bedraggled than Qrow, although Glynda didn't even have the excuse of a hangover. That morning, they learned that Glynda's hair when loose was nearly as long as Yang's and nearly twice as floofy and unmanageable-looking. Like, damn. No wonder she kept it up all the time.

"Good morning," Tai greeted her.

Before Glynda had a chance to reply, Yang piped up, "Hey, Auntie Pirate Ship!"

"Shut up, Yang!" Glynda snapped, obviously in no mood for jokes.

"But-" Yang protested.

"It wasn't funny," Tai said.

Ruby stood up with Zwei in her arms and said, "I don't even get what the joke was."

"Oh, come on! It was _funny_!" Yang argued.

"It had too many layers to be effective as a pun," Tai explained. "And you also have to consider your audience." When Yang glanced at the still-confused Ruby, he added in a stage whisper, "Maybe don't tell a joke like that _directly_ to someone who might kill you over it."

Yang's gaze slid to Glynda, who indeed was still wearing a rather murderous expression.

"OK," Yang conceded. "Maybe you have a point, Dad."

~oOo~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn't get Yang's horrible joke - a common term for messy hair is a "rat's nest". A lookout spot near the top of a ship's mast is a "crow's nest". I'm sure you can see where Yang took the joke a step too far. (Glynda's messy hair = "Qrow's nest" = lol, I'ma literally call her a pirate ship.)
> 
> Further notes (damn, Lamia, this chapter has a lot of notes): Yes, I think Glynda's hair must be pretty long when it's down, based on the size of her bun. That thing is _large_.


	8. Shiny

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"What are you doing?" Glynda asked, nonplussed, when she noticed that Qrow was no longer walking beside her. He had stopped and was kneeling on the ground for some reason.

"I found something," he replied distractedly. Whatever it was must have been fascinating to have captured his attention so thoroughly.

Her curiosity getting the better of her, she asked, "What is it?"

"A screw."

He tucked it into his pocket as he stood up.

"Why are you _keeping_ it?"

"What? You think I should just leave it lying on the ground?"

"That's what-" She somehow managed to stop herself from letting her next words be _a normal person_ , even though those were what sprang to mind. "-I would do."

"Well... maybe I can use it for something," Qrow said.

Glynda was tempted to press further on the subject, but the set of his shoulders told her that he was already starting to get defensive - which meant this wasn't an argument that she was going to win.

~oOo~


	9. I'm Not Drunk, You're Drunk!

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"Aww, who's the cutest birb?"

"...I thought we agreed no nicknames or endearments, ever."

"But you _are_ a birb. And you're cuuuuute."

Qrow sighed and hid his face in his hands. He never should have tried to convince Glynda to drink with him. Or told her about stupid internet animal memes. Yep, definitely shouldn't have done the second thing.

Lifting his face from his hands, he told her, "When you're sober, you're going to be _so_ embarrassed about how you're acting right now."

"Am not!"

"Trust me, you will."

"No, because, listen: I am not even drunk right now. I act like this all the time."

 _If I am even half as annoying as this when I'm drunk, I don't understand how she puts up with me_...

~oOo~


	10. 2 New 2 Shiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn't obvious, this chapter is a sequel to "Shiny".

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"Here, I got something for you," Qrow said.

Glynda cautiously held out her hand and he dropped a single hairpin into her palm.

She stared at the item suspiciously for a few long moments before asking, "Did you pick this up off of the ground somewhere?"

"Uhh... technically yes," Qrow answered slowly. From the way the corners of his mouth were twitching, she could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"Technically?" she inquired, quirking an eyebrow.

"I mean, it wasn't in that particular form when I picked it up. It used to be a screw."

"That's not what I was expecting when you said you'd find something to use it for."

Glynda knew that metalworking was a hobby of Qrow's, but she'd always assumed that his interest was solely related to the forging and improvement of weapons. So it was a bit surprising to see that it also extended to delicate things like crafting jewelry.

Her fingers closed around the gift as she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you," she said.

"I take it that means you like it?"

"Yes, idiot."

And she would treasure it forever... not that she would tell him so.

~oOo~


	11. Baby Names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for something a little different: AU where Qrow and Glynda got together during or soon after school, and have a baby around the same time Yang is born.

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

Things were tense in the Xiao Long/Branwen/Goodwitch household in the weeks leading up to the births of two new additions to the family. The cause of this tension was, of course... the two sets of expectant parents arguing about what to name the children - and also what they would _definitely not_ be naming the children.

Tai had gotten attached to the idea of the two couples giving their children matching names, but the twins swiftly struck down that idea. They knew what it was like to be close relatives growing up with matching names, after all, and it was not something that either of them wished to inflict upon their offspring.

Other things that quickly ended up on the ban list were: names of birds in the corvid family ( _unless_ the child turned into one within three days of being born), any form of 'Junior' or 'the Second', names of birds _not_ in the corvid family, and Scythe.

* * *

"So, what did you end up naming the baby?" Raven asked.

After a long pause - during which Glynda debated lying - she finally answered: "Glaive."

"Ah," Raven replied with a knowing smirk. "My brother slipped that past you while you were high on painkillers after the birth, didn't he?"

She spoke from experience, as the naming of baby Yang had taken place much the same way.

Her interlocutor's heavy sigh was answer enough.

Raven patted Glynda on the shoulder in a show of sympathy. "Don't worry," she said. "It does sound kind of pretty, and people who aren't polearm enthusiasts probably won't realize..."

~oOo~


	12. Yes, You Are a Bird

~ Shards of Obsidian ~

"Here, I brought you something," Glynda said.

Qrow held out his hand to receive the gift. He frowned as a small plastic packet was dropped into his outstretched palm. He looked at the label and didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or ask her if she's borrowed Taiyang's sense of humor.

"Sunflower seeds," he remarked dryly.

"I thought you'd like them."

"I'm not _actually_ a crow, you know."

"Oh really? Are you forgetting that I've seen the way you pick up random shiny things off the ground?"

"That has nothing to do with being a bird! Plenty of people do it!"

"... fine. If the sunflower seeds offend you, then give them back."

Qrow closed both hands over the packet and held it protectively against his chest.

"No. Mine."

~oOo~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus shitty artwork because I'm a dumbass so of course I did this: http://i.imgur.com/ChbhH0y.png


End file.
